Shut the Fuck Up: Rebecca Black

I really didn’t expect to be doing another musical act so soon, but here I am—although I am a bit hesitant to call Rebecca Black a musical “act”. I’m honestly stunned that there are some people out there who don’t know who Rebecca Black is, because that’s like not knowing where the “Over 9000” gag is from. Still some people are probably fortunate enough to be unaware of “Friday”, so let me fill you in on the essentials. Rebecca Black is a teenage girl from California whose parents bought her a music video with Ark Music Factory who try to make pop stars out of the girl next door. She made a song called Friday which is about a teenage girl getting excited for the weekend because she can party, and yes the song is just as emotionally satisfying as it sounds. It’s a terrible song filled with bad lyrics, awkward writing, and an overall vapid message but it’s also sadly coupled with an almost bafflingly bad video and well… Miss Black can’t sing. Yeah, I know I’ll be coming to her defense soon, but I have to get it out of the way: Rebecca Black sounds awful on Friday.

There, done. Whew. Okay, so am I angry at the people who say the song sucks? Not in the least. I can understand people saying this is a shitty song because well, quite frankly it is. Still, I’ve heard crappier music on the radio nowadays, and a song about deciding to sit in the front or back seat really doesn’t rank high on my “Offens-a-meter”. It’s a emotionally vapid pop song about partying sung by a girl who can’t sing. That also describes about 50% of pop music today, so what’s so heinous about Friday? Well, it’s really bad. As I said, the lyrics are God awful. “We so excited”? “Tomorrow is Saturday and Sunday comes afterwards”? Yeah, this song sucks and in general it’s pretty damn painful. So yeah the song deserves its criticism for sure, but for the love of all that is holy shut up about it.

I’m one of those people that get tired of something when it gets more attention than it deserves. Take Michael Vick for example. Great player, but people shower him with too much praise and focus. Friday is the same thing. I mean this song is ridiculously popular but it’s only popular because people like to listen to it and crack jokes. Don’t believe me? Check out Twitter’s trending topics in the US right now, and I can guarantee you’ll see Rebecca Black on that list, and she’s been consistently on that list for over a week now. It’s insane. Leslie Nelson wasn’t on the trending topics list for this long and he freaking died! Heck I think Rebecca Black has stayed on trending topics even longer than Japan did. Isn’t that kind of a sad social commentary on our generation?

See, for me the Rebecca Black thing died really quick. I listened to the song once and said “Oh man that was painful. Well, now what’s for dinner?” See, Rebecca Black’s Friday is just not that entertaining for me, and the fact it’s become such a popular meme is rather stunning. I can understand why people have turned it into a meme, and I’ll admit I’ve found a few .gifs that made me chuckle, but man the references need to stop. I firmly believe every person who makes a Rebecca Black joke this Friday on Twitter should be slapped in the teeth with Ron Jeremy’s cock. I’m sorry, but this meme is completely dead no matter how many times you say “Tomorrow is Saturday! And Sunday comes afterwards!” on Friday. It’s sort of like The Game. Remember how tired you were of it? How annoying it was? Rebecca Black has become that for me.

So yeah, long story short I get it: Rebecca Black’s Friday is a bad song. Now please Internet, move onto something else. I can only listen to people try to realistically dissect the “which seat can I take” line so many times before I contemplate murdering people, which for the record, Rebecca’s mom said she was also planning to do when asked about all the hate comments her daughter received. I bet she wishes she could have that interview back.

I’m Rollo T, that was my rant, and people need to learn to Shut the Fuck Up.

Moving forwards...

Well peeps it’s been somewhat of a hectic and crazy weekend, but let’s keep our eyes looking forward. I posted last week that I would have three article series to test out: STFU, Inside the Koma, and From Their Eyes. From the response I received that in general was rather positive I have decided to give all three series a full run on this blog on a consistent basis. In regard to From Their Eyes, I still plan on doing the series even after my earlier announcement. There are still plenty of topics that I can try to cover from the time spent with my characters, and I’m still always going to enjoy the great memories I have with them. They might come off a bit bittersweet, but perhaps in the future I’ll be able to continue this series again with a new character in a new campaign. We shall see.

So, basically the last thing I need to get these series off the ground is topics. I have several of my own, but I’m curious to hear what you all think might be interesting topics. So, if you get the time to leave a suggestion I’ll try to return soon with a timetable for when you can expect these articles.

Hmm… this post was rather short. Well, let’s try lengthening it with some wacky conversation. So did anybody else notice that Penny always got captured in Inspector Gadget? I mean yeah, she stopped the crime most of the time, but damn that kid couldn’t go three episodes without getting caught. Women, right? Oh, and why is Andross a big floating head and hands? I mean Star Fox is a franchise where six foot anthropomorphic foxes fly spaceships, but it always seemed strange. Like… how does he regurgitate asteroids at you if he has no throat or digestive system?

… Okay, I’ll stop now. In shame.

Shut the Fuck Up: Justin Bieber

When I first made this site I didn’t expect it become so overloaded with D&D logs and lessons. Originally I wanted to use this site as a place to rant, rave, and review anything that came to mind—hence the “fat nerd complaining about things on the internet” tagline. Well it doesn’t seem that my D&D or manga posts will be going anywhere anytime soon, but that doesn’t mean I won’t be a smelly asshole and still bitch about things. However the thing I want to bitch about is other people bitching about things. Yeah, it’s pretty meta, right?

That’s what Shut the Fuck Up, or STFU, is all about. When a particular topic or person is currently getting shat on by the media or the general public, I want to use this series to stress my thoughts on the matter and explain why I think the people whining need to grow a pair and man up. Like yesterday’s From Their Eyes, STFU is a test article right now, and whether or not I’ll continue it will be dependent on the feedback. If you think this sucks, let me know and I won’t waste time writing it, but if you like it, send me a tweet (@RolloT) or leave a comment below telling me that. With the build up out of the way, let’s get into the topic of my first and potentially only STFU: Justin Bieber.

I’ll be honest, I don’t follow the pop culture scene very closely anymore and almost all of my exposure to pop music comes from ToddInTheShadow’s reviews. In fact the first time I heard of Justin Bieber at all was when I watched Todd’s Top 10 Worst Songs of 2009. But that was back when he was just breaking onto the scene and far before he became easily one of the most recognizable figures in American pop culture. Now he’s a mega-superstar appearing in music videos, Super Bowl commercials, and even his own movie documentary released in theaters—and he isn’t even 18. Pop stars in general illicit a rather negative reaction from the public considering how popular they are, and seeing Bieber this successful before he’s old enough to buy lottery tickets makes a lot of people jealous, and understandably so. I wouldn’t say Justin Bieber is particularly talented, and I certainly wouldn’t say I enjoy his music, but well… let’s cut to the chase. Have you looked at a Justin Bieber related video on YouTube?

If there’s not some 12 year old girl professing her love for him, it’s some anonymous asshole calling him a derogatory word and wishing death and rape upon him and his family. Some people seriously hate Justin Bieber, and honestly I’m not really sure why. As I said, I can understand disliking him for not being talented and being jealous of his early success, but people seem to legitimately want to beat this kid and I just don’t get that. The quote I hear a lot from people who scowl or groan at the mere mention of his name is that Bieber “represents what’s wrong with the music industry”.

Uh-huh. Okay, I’m not a music guy per say, so I wouldn’t consider this my forte necessarily, but have you listened to music in the past… ever? I know you may not like Justin Bieber because you think he’s a talentless hack who’s risen up the pop charts for being good looking(?) and the product of the American music industry, but you do realize that mainstream pop is and has always been overloaded with terrible artists more infamous for their name more than anything, right? I mean sure we get our Michael Jacksons along the way, but we get just as many Boys II Men, Beyonce, N*Sync, Hanson, R.Kelly, Jewel, and Spice Girls. Look, I’m not saying anyone I listed back there is necessarily awful, but the fact is that popular music is generally popular because of the audience and not the performer. If I put a video of me singing Take On Me by A-Ha up on YouTube, and in three months it had 12 million hits, who are you going to get upset at? You’d get upset at me, but the fact is it’s not my fault people apparently loved listening to me fuck up that high note.

Sure it’s fine to poke fun at pop stars. Like any portion of our pop culture they are acceptable targets and if you want to make fun of Bieber’s voice or his shitty hair cut that’s not a problem. No, the problem is when I mentioned his name and you reactively spit on the ground. This is not an exaggeration, and I know plenty of people who would punch this kid in the face if they met him despite the fact that Bieber is probably one of the least offensive artists out there today. It’s not like he’s Ke$ha who walks around exerting this disgusting persona in all of her music. He’s not any worse than Katy Perry who seems to exist only to make catchy songs and then walk around half-nude in everything she’s in despite how inappropriate that might be (see: Sesame Street). Heck, this kid is more reviled than Lady Gaga, and that’s the woman who showed up to her sister’s graduation wearing this. I don’t even know what that is! It’s like someone took slutty lingerie, cut out the insides, and then dropped a black veil on top of Raiden’s hat.

My point is that this vile hatred of Justin Bieber really has no grounds. Is his singing really as offensive as the dozens of artists that use auto-tune? Is Baby really worse than This Time (Dirty Bit)? I mean the Black Eyed Peas pretty much shat all over the Super Bowl and yet I don’t hear nearly as much venom slung their way. People act as if Justin Bieber having another hit single is some sleight against them and their favorite bands. Newsflash, fourteen year old girls are going to support Justin Bieber far more than you’ll ever support your local indie band. That’s the way music works people.

So my argument is this: why hate Justin Bieber? Why is that his name is spoken so vehemently in our culture? What possible valid reason is there to hate this kid?

None. There is none at all. If he represents everything you hate about the music industry, than congratulations: you just finally figured out the music industry—now read a book.

I’m Rollo T, that was my rant, and people need to learn to Shut the Fuck Up.