Since MAGFest ended just about every personality from Channel Awesome shared their thoughts on the convention, and I figure I’d throw my blue furry hat into the mix. I’m going to try to not to rehash the same stuff already said by everyone else because by this point you already know the elevators sucked ass and that the drunks were annoying. I’m not trying to be egotistical, but this will mostly be about the experience I had as it relates to me since that’s probably the only perspective about MAGFest you haven’t seen. So without further adieu, here are my scattered thoughts about MAGFest.
- Meeting Channel Awesome producers is always a blast, though in particular I do love hanging out with Jason and Nik even if I talk to them on Skype all the time. It was great to meet and talk to some of my favorite producers like JesuOtaku, ToddInTheShadows, and Luke Mochrie. There are more to mention, but suffice it to say I didn’t carry on a conversation with anyone I didn’t like.
- There were a lot of people I wanted to talk to more like Lupa and Nash. In fact there were a lot of people I only saw for a few moments like Scarlett, Nash, JewWario, Birdman, and more. I really wanted to talk to Birdman a lot more, but hopefully we’ll get to do that more in the future.
- If I met you at MAGFest, awesome! If I didn’t catch you or you wanted to talk to me more and couldn’t find me, I apologize. To be honest I didn’t attend MAGFest as a guest or even a customer even. I attended MAGFest mostly to get work done and to relax, and thus I wasn’t on the floor very often. Also if you ever talked to me and I seemed curt or distracted, I apologize. I don’t think I did that to anyone, but it’s possible since I did get stopped for autographs and pictures far more often than I thought I would. If I seemed distracted or anything, I probably was.
- Yes, there was a crossover this year. Part of the reason I may have seemed distracted was because I came to MAGFest to film this crossover. I’m not going to say what the review is about, who is in it, or when it will be released, but I will say you all will enjoy it. Plus I get kneed in the face during it, and I’m sure a lot of you have been looking forward to seeing that.
- Welshy is a fucking machine. That asshole can eat crap and drink beer all day and not gain a pound. I think me and Jason are secretly planning to eat him to see if we’ll gain his power.
- I’m still baffled by the line for our panel. It wrapped around passed two panel rooms and towards the overflow rooms. I apologize if anyone couldn’t make it in.
- The panel was a lot of fun, though I’m still baffled I got booed for saying I was the “blackest member of Channel Awesome” until the Rap Critic joined. I gather the audience in the room isn’t the live.lordkat.com audience, but still, ouch. Still thought that was funny though.
- I’m still stunned I got asked questions at the panel. Mostly meme questions like EVERYTHING BURNS and the Seattle Seahawks, but it was still better than sitting on the panel eating pizza for two hours. Though I still don’t know why the final question about Suede returning was directed at me. That one confused me.
- I do apologize for ending the panel on a bit of a down note. I wasn’t planning on ending the panel there—I just wanted to make sure The Game Heroes, Quotoria (who I think may still have gotten drowned out), and Todd the Critical Marine got their due credit, and I figured while I was there I would thank the other producers and the fans. Sorry, but I’m always a bit of a sucker for thanking the fans.
- Best fan I met: Right before I left for my train home to PA, I was stopped by a fan near the ATM (and its ridiculous $3.50 transaction fee) who said he loved my stand up and would like to see it live next time. Lots of people complimented my stand up though, to the point where I wish I had gone through with my idea of doing a video game themed stand up set while I was there. I could have shown Spoony how it’s done.
- On Day 2, Spoony told us a new joke he had about a soap dispenser. It did not make it into his final routine. Thank. God.
- Weirdest fan I met: I had a girl cosplaying as Linkara ask me to sign her robot thingie (I don’t watch Linkara’s reviews so I can’t remember the robot’s name), and she got angry when I almost signed too close to Linkara’s name. It’s a nice realty check when someone informs you that you aren’t worthy to sign next to the mighty Linkara! Mind you I say this in jest. I just found it funny that she was legitimately concerned my lame signature would detract from Linkara’s.
- I swear to God, no one on this site has any kind of decent handwriting. I saw quite a few signatures from those who came before me, and man some people have no signature. Paw assures me that my signature is at least tolerable, but I think he says that because in comparison to our fellow producers, it’s fucking golden.
- The first night there was a big dinner with the producers, but I guess there were too many of us, so myself, Nik, Phelous, and SadPanda got turned away at the door. So instead we spent dinner watching Winter Wipeout. Disturbingly enough, one of the contestants looked exactly like SadPanda. He won. Huzzah!
- During said viewing of Winter Wipeout, I was stopped by my first fan who asked me to sign his Kickassia DVD (which a lot of people asked for). I signed it, and jokingly made a remark to Nik about how he couldn’t sign it since he wasn’t there. And then the guy moved on. I thought Nik would at least get to pity sign it, but nope. Fuck you Y Ruler of Time, your autograph means nothing!!!
- Nik was a fun guy to talk to yet again. One of my better memories from the trip was staying up the last night we were there with Nik and my friend Frank talking about Jackie Chan Adventures and Xiolin Showdown. Yeah, we’re nerds.
- On Day 2 we went out to eat with a group of people. We stopped by McDonald’s but it was crowded. After that we tried Subway, but the line looked too long. We settled on DQ. Apparently DQ only serves Chili dogs because that’s all they had. I ate two chili dogs and then an Oreo brownie earth quake. Shockingly, I took a colossal shit later that evening.
- Speaking of Colossus: OOOOOWWWWAAAAAAUGHHHHH!!!
- When a few people went out to get drinks, I asked for some Jameson and some Vodka. I got both, and I learned two things. First, I don’t know how to pour shots unless I have a shot glass because I tried to pour a shot of Jameson in a regular cup and nearly choked trying to down it all in one shot. Second, there is vodka worse than bottom shelf vodka: Military Special.
- One of my favorite memories of MAGFest is pouring a drink (which I found out I did illegally—whoops) right before our panel. It was about 50% Military Special vodka, and 50% coke. Spoony watched me poor it with abject horror. Sorry Noah, but I live in a family of Irish alcoholics. When I drink, I drink.
- When we first took the cab in the morning, a group of us went and well… let’s just say we weren’t the healthiest of people. When we went again later that evening, I flagged down the same cab driver and asked if he could take six of us. I am not lying when I tell you he said “Yes, but not so many fat people”. I found that funny.
- I need a new gimmick item of clothing because that blue furry hat is ridiculously hot I was sweating my balls off wearing that hat.
- I can’t talk highly enough about Amtrak. I gather some people hate taking the train due to the time, but I think when you factor in how early you have to catch a plane (usually an hour or two to get through security and whatnot), it’s not that big of a difference. Plus the train is a lot more comfortable, and Amtrak provides each row of seat with a power outlet to charge your devices—for free. In coach. I love Amtrak. Plus you can sit wherever, and train never feels as crowded. Honestly I’d rather sit on a train for ten hours than fly on a plane for three.
I’m sure there’s more I could talk about, but I’ve rambled enough. Suffice it to say MAGFest was a fun experience as well as an exhausting one. I’m still having a little trouble moving my legs after spending the weekend hiking up 17 flights of stairs whenever I wanted to reach my room. All in all though it was a blast, and I hope to maybe hit up some other conventions during the year. Fingers crossed!
Until next time, Namaste!
Friday, January 21, 2011
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
D&D Log: 2010 Recap
There was no D&D session this past Sunday due to the holiday season, and that means that the next D&D session will take place in 2011. I was feeling the itch to talk about D&D, so I wanted to see what people were curious to hear about. @jbevan70 on Twitter suggested that I talk about the last year of our D&D campaign and talk about our favorite moments, but after he mentioned that I realized that it actually has been just about a year since we started playing this campaign. I sat back and thought about how far we’ve come, and it’s honestly pretty incredible. I never expected to have thousands of fans who contribute views, discussion, and fanart to our campaign when I suggested getting a D&D group together with Jason early in the year.
The first session we played it was seven us on a Skype call awkwardly trying to roleplay, and now a year later it’s nine of us on a Skype call awkwardly trying to roleplay in front of a crowd of fans making rape jokes and shouting “RAM IT!” It’s beautiful, isn’t it? I’m still stunned that so many people enjoy us playing the game, and that even more started playing D&D because of our stream. I was actually at one point going to try to contact Wizards of the Coast to tell them about that, and maybe I should consider doing that again. I doubt anything would come of it, but it’s certainly worth telling them that that thousands of viewers weekly watch a campaign set around their game. We might not be Penny Arcade, but hey, I still think it’s impressive.
So the topic of this article was to look back on the last year and recollect what we’ve done in throughout seventeen sessions, twelve characters, five levels, and one crazy campaign. There’s a lot of great memories but some of my favorites include Jonn asking if we’re on fire, Grae’s epic kill steal, Viktor decapitating Lord Esgalion, the insane throne room battle, and the one kinky night we all spent stripped, gagged, and bound in the elf camp (i.e. the Sexiest Session Ever). I’m still stunned there’s no fanart about that last one. But really, there are so many memories and I’m actually more curious to find out what you guys think about the last year of our campaign.
What have you guys loved? What have you hated? Do you have a favorite character? What about a favorite session or encounter? I’m very curious to see what the fans think about everything because I’ll be honest the campaign’s success is mostly because you guys. You guys have made this simple Sunday pastime into an event and a spectacle, and for that I thank you.
I also want to give very special to thanks to anyone out there who has drawn fanart for the campaign because honestly, that stuff is astounding to me. We’ve got some amazing artists in our community, and it means a lot that you guys put so much work into your fanart for our characters or our sessions. I’ll be honest when I say I’ve had entire days that were complete shit turned around because of an awesome piece of fanart. I try to give credit to the artists whenever I can, but I still feel it’s not enough. If you’ve ever drawn a picture of Juliet and you don’t see it in the gallery here then send an e-mail to ChrisLarios@ChannelAwesome.com with a link to the image, a link to your gallery, and a name for the credit. I want to make sure everyone gets their proper respect, and this is the absolute least I can do at this point.
Well let’s finish wrapping up a year of outrageous gaming with a great group, a fantastic DM, and the best fans in the world. There’s been a lot of fun, a few awkward moments (Lord Vane I’s death anyone?), and a lot of great discussion. You can probably tell by now, but I absolutely love talking about the D&D campaign, and if you feel like asking me anything from my thoughts on a particular character or session to something silly like what is Juliet’s favorite basketball team then send a question over to my FormSpring. Also if you’re particularly fond of the D&D campaign, check out the wiki and the TVTropes page and maybe edit some stuff in. Regardless of what you guys do, I just hope that you return next year when Team Dethklok returns to derp their way through another adventure; this time with Pascoe the Gentleman Bear!
See you guys for the next D&D recap in 2011! Until next time, Namaste!
The first session we played it was seven us on a Skype call awkwardly trying to roleplay, and now a year later it’s nine of us on a Skype call awkwardly trying to roleplay in front of a crowd of fans making rape jokes and shouting “RAM IT!” It’s beautiful, isn’t it? I’m still stunned that so many people enjoy us playing the game, and that even more started playing D&D because of our stream. I was actually at one point going to try to contact Wizards of the Coast to tell them about that, and maybe I should consider doing that again. I doubt anything would come of it, but it’s certainly worth telling them that that thousands of viewers weekly watch a campaign set around their game. We might not be Penny Arcade, but hey, I still think it’s impressive.
So the topic of this article was to look back on the last year and recollect what we’ve done in throughout seventeen sessions, twelve characters, five levels, and one crazy campaign. There’s a lot of great memories but some of my favorites include Jonn asking if we’re on fire, Grae’s epic kill steal, Viktor decapitating Lord Esgalion, the insane throne room battle, and the one kinky night we all spent stripped, gagged, and bound in the elf camp (i.e. the Sexiest Session Ever). I’m still stunned there’s no fanart about that last one. But really, there are so many memories and I’m actually more curious to find out what you guys think about the last year of our campaign.
What have you guys loved? What have you hated? Do you have a favorite character? What about a favorite session or encounter? I’m very curious to see what the fans think about everything because I’ll be honest the campaign’s success is mostly because you guys. You guys have made this simple Sunday pastime into an event and a spectacle, and for that I thank you.
I also want to give very special to thanks to anyone out there who has drawn fanart for the campaign because honestly, that stuff is astounding to me. We’ve got some amazing artists in our community, and it means a lot that you guys put so much work into your fanart for our characters or our sessions. I’ll be honest when I say I’ve had entire days that were complete shit turned around because of an awesome piece of fanart. I try to give credit to the artists whenever I can, but I still feel it’s not enough. If you’ve ever drawn a picture of Juliet and you don’t see it in the gallery here then send an e-mail to ChrisLarios@ChannelAwesome.com with a link to the image, a link to your gallery, and a name for the credit. I want to make sure everyone gets their proper respect, and this is the absolute least I can do at this point.
Well let’s finish wrapping up a year of outrageous gaming with a great group, a fantastic DM, and the best fans in the world. There’s been a lot of fun, a few awkward moments (Lord Vane I’s death anyone?), and a lot of great discussion. You can probably tell by now, but I absolutely love talking about the D&D campaign, and if you feel like asking me anything from my thoughts on a particular character or session to something silly like what is Juliet’s favorite basketball team then send a question over to my FormSpring. Also if you’re particularly fond of the D&D campaign, check out the wiki and the TVTropes page and maybe edit some stuff in. Regardless of what you guys do, I just hope that you return next year when Team Dethklok returns to derp their way through another adventure; this time with Pascoe the Gentleman Bear!
See you guys for the next D&D recap in 2011! Until next time, Namaste!
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
D&D Log: Session 17
Oh snap, it’s a D&D recap! Shit is going down people! I repeat, shit is going down! Now I know I always say this recap will be short and they always wind up being long, but this time it –should- be short because I missed much of the session when a friend of college stopped by. By the time I entered the campaign our big demon encounter was over. Actually when I first got home I asked Jason if anything important had happened and he responded “no, not really”. Then I immediately here Spoony say “you look over to see Juliet burned husk slumped in the corner”. Commence freaking out.
No, it seems that since I was absent for the encounter I was instead the victim of a Sneak Attack from Darstine who has become completely controlled by Morgana which is one of the few times Darstine has remembered to use Sneak Attack. So yeah, I basically got instant KO’d for this encounter, and then afterwards I was used as a hostage so that Morgana could get away in Darstine’s body (even if Lord Vane did use the Ring of Ram to send her flying). Kind of a shame that Juliet was pretty much used as a damsel in distress this encounter, but it does work as fuel for a rather large change in her character, but I’ll get into that later.
Anyway, following Morgana’s escape we made chase only to find that Morgana has pretty much left a field of destruction in her wake. She cut Amendread in half and nearly killed Alice, but it was clear that she had already gone back to the future to take out the Witch Queen, so it was up to Dethklok to chase after her. We returned to our time, and already we could see the effects of Morgana in our world. Tamier’s army was devastated, and those that did not choose to worship Morgana were killed. Grae managed to find a half dead Tamier, and asked, quite bluntly: “Hey Tammy. Why so dead?” I do love Grae.
The session pretty much ended there as next time our party debated on whether we should chase after Morgana, or let Morgana and the Witch Queen duke it out and try take out the winner by gathering an army from Sarmanath. Considering the holidays and MAGFest coming up it’s actually very likely we won’t be able to get a session of the campaign together for a little bit, I figure we can use this time to plan. So what do you guys think we should do?
In addition I should explain here that Juliet is going to be undergoing a character change. She’s still going to be a Druid, but she’s switching to the Essentials Druid, the Sentinel. That means a lot of changes—the most major being that I will now become a Leader as opposed to a Controller, though from what I’ve seen I won’t be really healing beyond the two Healing Words I have. More so I’ll be buffing defenses, and mixing it up in melee. Yes, while Juliet is still a spell caster (and thus prone to gagging should we get captured again which just feels inevitable at this point), she’s actually going to become a front line combatant now. I am trying to justify this change as Juliet realizing that she needs to take a more active role in improving herself. When she found herself completely helpless and used as a hostage she realized her limitations, and after that attack she could no longer hear Pidgeotto’s spirit. Thus she’s going to become a warrior for nature in the truest sense.
As for the bear that will now follow her around and can telepathically communicate with her… um… yep. He’ll just be there. Yeah, the Essential Druid gets an animal companion right off the bat which is one of the big reasons I wanted to change, but I can’t really justify him in any way. Same with why I won’t be able to Wildshape. I could say that I no longer need the ability to turn into an animal now that I’m embracing the animal within, but most of the time I just turned into a salmon and slapped people, so whatever. Yeah, I’m excited for this change, but I do have one hang up: a name for my bear companion.
As a Druid of Summer, I get a Bear Companion who stays with me forever (unlike Pidgeotto it can be killed, but like Pidgeotto it’s really just more of an annoyance), so I need a name. I’ve got quite a lot of names, so I want to see which one you guys like the best. Here are the suggestions:
- Pokemon: Considering my past animal bud was Pidgeotto, there is the possibility of keeping the streak going. As a bear I could call him Ursaring, but that’s about the only bear pokemon I can really think of.
- LOST: I have a LOST theme going with most my characters, so I could keep it up with this summon. Maybe call him Hurley? Or just call him the Polar Bear from LOST?
- New York Giants: I do like naming characters after cool last names, so I could always name my companion after a Giants player. Maybe Osi? Snee? How about Ahmad? My leading favorite? Name him after New York Giants Bear Pascoe. He’s already got Bear in his name!
- Punny Name: I could make his name a pun, and I have heard some good ones. My leading favorites are Bear Arthur (Bea Arthur) and Captain Bearbossa (Captain Barbossa).
It’s a tough choice I know, but let me know your input. We probably won’t be able to play for a while, so take your time. Also, do people like the character change in Juliet? I am trying to slowly let her character come out more and more, though I haven’t had the change to have her talk about her backstory. Was planning to mention it in the tower, but we never rested it until we reached Amendread. I kinda feel like revealing her backstory now, but I should probably keep that hidden until I can reveal it in-character. What do you guys think?
Until next time, Namaste!
No, it seems that since I was absent for the encounter I was instead the victim of a Sneak Attack from Darstine who has become completely controlled by Morgana which is one of the few times Darstine has remembered to use Sneak Attack. So yeah, I basically got instant KO’d for this encounter, and then afterwards I was used as a hostage so that Morgana could get away in Darstine’s body (even if Lord Vane did use the Ring of Ram to send her flying). Kind of a shame that Juliet was pretty much used as a damsel in distress this encounter, but it does work as fuel for a rather large change in her character, but I’ll get into that later.
Anyway, following Morgana’s escape we made chase only to find that Morgana has pretty much left a field of destruction in her wake. She cut Amendread in half and nearly killed Alice, but it was clear that she had already gone back to the future to take out the Witch Queen, so it was up to Dethklok to chase after her. We returned to our time, and already we could see the effects of Morgana in our world. Tamier’s army was devastated, and those that did not choose to worship Morgana were killed. Grae managed to find a half dead Tamier, and asked, quite bluntly: “Hey Tammy. Why so dead?” I do love Grae.
The session pretty much ended there as next time our party debated on whether we should chase after Morgana, or let Morgana and the Witch Queen duke it out and try take out the winner by gathering an army from Sarmanath. Considering the holidays and MAGFest coming up it’s actually very likely we won’t be able to get a session of the campaign together for a little bit, I figure we can use this time to plan. So what do you guys think we should do?
In addition I should explain here that Juliet is going to be undergoing a character change. She’s still going to be a Druid, but she’s switching to the Essentials Druid, the Sentinel. That means a lot of changes—the most major being that I will now become a Leader as opposed to a Controller, though from what I’ve seen I won’t be really healing beyond the two Healing Words I have. More so I’ll be buffing defenses, and mixing it up in melee. Yes, while Juliet is still a spell caster (and thus prone to gagging should we get captured again which just feels inevitable at this point), she’s actually going to become a front line combatant now. I am trying to justify this change as Juliet realizing that she needs to take a more active role in improving herself. When she found herself completely helpless and used as a hostage she realized her limitations, and after that attack she could no longer hear Pidgeotto’s spirit. Thus she’s going to become a warrior for nature in the truest sense.
As for the bear that will now follow her around and can telepathically communicate with her… um… yep. He’ll just be there. Yeah, the Essential Druid gets an animal companion right off the bat which is one of the big reasons I wanted to change, but I can’t really justify him in any way. Same with why I won’t be able to Wildshape. I could say that I no longer need the ability to turn into an animal now that I’m embracing the animal within, but most of the time I just turned into a salmon and slapped people, so whatever. Yeah, I’m excited for this change, but I do have one hang up: a name for my bear companion.
As a Druid of Summer, I get a Bear Companion who stays with me forever (unlike Pidgeotto it can be killed, but like Pidgeotto it’s really just more of an annoyance), so I need a name. I’ve got quite a lot of names, so I want to see which one you guys like the best. Here are the suggestions:
- Pokemon: Considering my past animal bud was Pidgeotto, there is the possibility of keeping the streak going. As a bear I could call him Ursaring, but that’s about the only bear pokemon I can really think of.
- LOST: I have a LOST theme going with most my characters, so I could keep it up with this summon. Maybe call him Hurley? Or just call him the Polar Bear from LOST?
- New York Giants: I do like naming characters after cool last names, so I could always name my companion after a Giants player. Maybe Osi? Snee? How about Ahmad? My leading favorite? Name him after New York Giants Bear Pascoe. He’s already got Bear in his name!
- Punny Name: I could make his name a pun, and I have heard some good ones. My leading favorites are Bear Arthur (Bea Arthur) and Captain Bearbossa (Captain Barbossa).
It’s a tough choice I know, but let me know your input. We probably won’t be able to play for a while, so take your time. Also, do people like the character change in Juliet? I am trying to slowly let her character come out more and more, though I haven’t had the change to have her talk about her backstory. Was planning to mention it in the tower, but we never rested it until we reached Amendread. I kinda feel like revealing her backstory now, but I should probably keep that hidden until I can reveal it in-character. What do you guys think?
Until next time, Namaste!
Monday, December 20, 2010
A Swift Kick to the Nuts: My Life as a Giants Fan
In my short time as a Giants fan I’ve seen some heartbreaking losses, some crushing loses, and some embarrassing loses. Though I will state for the record that the worst loss I’ve seen as a fan was back in ’09 when the Giants got completely dominated by the Eagles at home in the playoffs, Sunday’s 38 – 31 meltdown is a very close second. In a game with playoff implications abound and first place of the NFC East on the line, this was a huge game already. Then add that this was a Giants home game against our most hated rival who has a five game winning streak over us. As a Giants fan we needed this win, but more than that we wanted to make a statement.
And we did. For the first thirty minutes of the game the Giants completely dominated the Eagles 24 – 3. The only Eagles points came off a Giants turnover in their own territory, and the Giants defense held Michael Vick and the #1 Offense (now calling itself the “Greatest Show of Turf Part II”) to a field goal. NFL MVP candidate Michael Vick was getting completely shut down and hit so hard that on a few plays his legs actually gave out on him. This was becoming a massacre. The Giants defense was flying around and making plays, and the “elite” Eagles receivers were being shut down by two corners that no one outside of the NFC East could even name. This was the game we needed, and going into halftime I started licking my lips at the thought of clinching the #2 seed with a Bears loss.
However it’s strange… for as excited as we should have been, I feel like we all knew what was going to happen. When FOX returned to the Pre-Game crew, everyone began handling special props to Michael Strahan, but Stray was very reserved and said football takes a full sixty minutes. He didn’t gloat or get cute. My dad called me and when I told him the score he got ecstatic and said I should probably call me Uncle (a huge Eagles fan), and start rubbing it in now, but I hesitantly declined. It’s as if collectively Giants fans knew that if any team could screw up this sort of lead it was going to be the Giants, and if any team could find a way to pop this high it was going to be the god damn Eagles.
What followed in the second half was everything I hate about the New York Giants. While I love our smash mouth running game and our overwhelming pass rush, I absolutely hate our defense when we take the lead in a game. I don’t know why it is we do this, but for some reason when we take the lead in a game we stop playing intense defense and we play this blasé no thrills coverage that gets beat. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I’m trying to recall if this ever happened under Spags, but I remember seeing it with Sheridan, and I’m seeing it way too often with Fewell. The moment we take the lead we stop seeing blitzes, and we take away the defense that put us in this position. At this point Corey Webster and Terrell Thomas had completely shut down the Eagle’s receivers single-handedly, yet once we took the lead Perry Fewell gave them extra help and thus allowed Michael Vick and LeSean McCoy to beat us with the run. Most irritating of all is that I went to high school with McCoy, so every time he gains yards on the Giants it’s like twisting a knife in my heart.
But there’s perhaps no better way to describe the Jekyll and Hyde complex the Giants have then to look at third year receiver Mario Manningham. At certain points he’s absolutely brilliant; making bobbling circus catch for a huge gain, or making yards out of nothing by making a defender miss. But then he’ll do something so mind numbingly stupid that I’m taken aback by how absolutely idiotic it is. Like when he tries to run a reverse across the football field just so he can get a few extra yards and winds up costing us a first down, or to be more relevant, fumbling the ball as he falls out of bounds simply due to careless carrying. That fumble changed the game’s momentum quickly, and not enough can be said about how much of a bonehead play this was. I don’t understand why Manningham dropped that ball other than admitting that Manningham might be gifted with amazing physical talents but also cursed with a baffling level of stupidity. It’s like he’s DeSean Jackson, except without the impressive numbers to help you justify why he takes his helmet off when he leaves the field.
Tom Quinn is a terrible Special Teams coach and two meltdowns on special teams cost us this game. The DeSean Jackson punt return was a mess, but I’ll be honest when I say that an electric player can’t be stopped. He may be an idiot, but DeSean Jackson is a damn good player and he had the talent to beat us. No, I’m far angrier about that onside kick mistake. There comes a point in football where you have to know the situation and the team you’re playing. Time is ticking down and our opponent is still down two scores. Given the situation you’d have to expect an onside kick, but more than that IT’S ANDY-FREAKING-REID AND THE PHILADELPHIA EAGLES!!! Come on! They couldn’t telegraph this play anymore even if they held up an enormous neon sign and hired Bruce Springsteen to show up and sing a song about it. Seriously, what possible reason could Quinn have had to doubt that Reid would call for an onside kick?! More than that, why didn’t Tom Coughlin start strangling him for giving up a play like that!?
This was supposed to be a statement game for the Giants, and they made a statement alright: We don’t really like winning.
Actually wait, can that bumbling sound the Three Stooges make count as a statement? I think that describes this game perfectly.
And we did. For the first thirty minutes of the game the Giants completely dominated the Eagles 24 – 3. The only Eagles points came off a Giants turnover in their own territory, and the Giants defense held Michael Vick and the #1 Offense (now calling itself the “Greatest Show of Turf Part II”) to a field goal. NFL MVP candidate Michael Vick was getting completely shut down and hit so hard that on a few plays his legs actually gave out on him. This was becoming a massacre. The Giants defense was flying around and making plays, and the “elite” Eagles receivers were being shut down by two corners that no one outside of the NFC East could even name. This was the game we needed, and going into halftime I started licking my lips at the thought of clinching the #2 seed with a Bears loss.
However it’s strange… for as excited as we should have been, I feel like we all knew what was going to happen. When FOX returned to the Pre-Game crew, everyone began handling special props to Michael Strahan, but Stray was very reserved and said football takes a full sixty minutes. He didn’t gloat or get cute. My dad called me and when I told him the score he got ecstatic and said I should probably call me Uncle (a huge Eagles fan), and start rubbing it in now, but I hesitantly declined. It’s as if collectively Giants fans knew that if any team could screw up this sort of lead it was going to be the Giants, and if any team could find a way to pop this high it was going to be the god damn Eagles.
What followed in the second half was everything I hate about the New York Giants. While I love our smash mouth running game and our overwhelming pass rush, I absolutely hate our defense when we take the lead in a game. I don’t know why it is we do this, but for some reason when we take the lead in a game we stop playing intense defense and we play this blasé no thrills coverage that gets beat. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I’m trying to recall if this ever happened under Spags, but I remember seeing it with Sheridan, and I’m seeing it way too often with Fewell. The moment we take the lead we stop seeing blitzes, and we take away the defense that put us in this position. At this point Corey Webster and Terrell Thomas had completely shut down the Eagle’s receivers single-handedly, yet once we took the lead Perry Fewell gave them extra help and thus allowed Michael Vick and LeSean McCoy to beat us with the run. Most irritating of all is that I went to high school with McCoy, so every time he gains yards on the Giants it’s like twisting a knife in my heart.
But there’s perhaps no better way to describe the Jekyll and Hyde complex the Giants have then to look at third year receiver Mario Manningham. At certain points he’s absolutely brilliant; making bobbling circus catch for a huge gain, or making yards out of nothing by making a defender miss. But then he’ll do something so mind numbingly stupid that I’m taken aback by how absolutely idiotic it is. Like when he tries to run a reverse across the football field just so he can get a few extra yards and winds up costing us a first down, or to be more relevant, fumbling the ball as he falls out of bounds simply due to careless carrying. That fumble changed the game’s momentum quickly, and not enough can be said about how much of a bonehead play this was. I don’t understand why Manningham dropped that ball other than admitting that Manningham might be gifted with amazing physical talents but also cursed with a baffling level of stupidity. It’s like he’s DeSean Jackson, except without the impressive numbers to help you justify why he takes his helmet off when he leaves the field.
Tom Quinn is a terrible Special Teams coach and two meltdowns on special teams cost us this game. The DeSean Jackson punt return was a mess, but I’ll be honest when I say that an electric player can’t be stopped. He may be an idiot, but DeSean Jackson is a damn good player and he had the talent to beat us. No, I’m far angrier about that onside kick mistake. There comes a point in football where you have to know the situation and the team you’re playing. Time is ticking down and our opponent is still down two scores. Given the situation you’d have to expect an onside kick, but more than that IT’S ANDY-FREAKING-REID AND THE PHILADELPHIA EAGLES!!! Come on! They couldn’t telegraph this play anymore even if they held up an enormous neon sign and hired Bruce Springsteen to show up and sing a song about it. Seriously, what possible reason could Quinn have had to doubt that Reid would call for an onside kick?! More than that, why didn’t Tom Coughlin start strangling him for giving up a play like that!?
This was supposed to be a statement game for the Giants, and they made a statement alright: We don’t really like winning.
Actually wait, can that bumbling sound the Three Stooges make count as a statement? I think that describes this game perfectly.
Monday, November 29, 2010
D&D Log: Session 16
Huh? Is that a D&D Log I see? It is! It is! It’s a D&D recap!
So this was our first session using MapTools as opposed to OpenRPG for the main reason that MapTools can do a lot more than OpenRPG. Its white board is a lot more flexible, it allows you to place tokens on a creature, and it is insanely difficult to log into for some people. We spent a better portion of the night trying to get Liz and Nik into the game and I mention this because this will be a rather short recap--mostly because of the aforementioned connecting difficulty, but also because combat still moves like a gimped hippo walking through molasses in a blindfold. It is good for multitasking though. I did get some more gametime in Rune Factory 3 while I waited, and I did catch a few scenes in Boardwalk Empire. Now that’s a damn good show right there.
Alright, so last time we played we had just been transported to some other time/place and fought off a group of aberrant monsters. Left with nowhere else to go but up we climbed the nearest staircase and came across a beautiful woman playing the flute. She greeted us and told us that the tower’s master was expecting us, and apparently we were all smitten with her beauty. Juliet apparently tapped into that latent lesbianism that I didn’t know about, but hey I’ve yet to complain about lesbians before. Oh wait, Jimmy’s shitty lesbian wife subplot in Boardwalk Empire. Scratch that.
So it turns out the master of this tower is indeed Galendread, but Galendread is off slaying the Dragonborn Empire. Skipping the history lesson, this was pretty clear indication that we had traveled back in time and that was bad news. I hate time travel; brings up too many questions. Are we changing the future, or is this already decided? LOST worked with the latter, so if that’s the case Juliet just needs to fall down an enormous well and pound a nuclear device with a rock until everything resets. Then she can get coffee with Viktor and remember. Sorry, LOST fanboy-ism took over for a bit.
Back on track we met the current master of this tower, Amen-dread, Galendread’s apprentice. He was expecting us and was quite willing to hand over the Well of Souls assuming we could kill the demon that inhabited the vault where the Well was kept. There was a catch though… you know beyond the demon killing one. Amen-dread has no qualms about parting with this arcane army slayer on the condition that he could access everything else that is inside the chamber. Surprisingly I was suspicious of this, and I kick myself for not being more inquisitive, but it’s too late to do anything now.
Oh, and I want to address something. When we first met Amen-dread I asked him what was up with the chessboard. He said it and the other obstacles were tests designed to allow only skilled, swift, and smart adventurers through, etc. I asked again what the purpose of the chessboard was and was promptly met with “isn’t that what I just fucking told you?” I already gathered that the monsters and traps we faced were tests. I don’t think wizards sit around all day waiting for opportunities to build elaborate contraptions just because they have free time and never heard of Minecraft. I wanted to know why there was an obstacle that specifically required us to peacefully negotiate with an opposing force. It was very different from our normal encounters and I wondered if there was a reason behind it. Sorry, but I just wanted to clear the air.
Okay, so to sum up the next few hours of gameplay thusly: Lilea wants Garret to kill Amen-dread because he’s made pacts with a devil, Garret had another spooky evil vision when he looked at Alice (the flutist), Lilea found a bunch of rituals that are somewhat useful, and Juliet apparently once again tapped into her latent lesbianism when she had a late night talk with Alice. Truthfully my intention was to find out more about Alice, but looking back it did seem like Juliet was hitting on her. Maybe that’ll be her new character trait. Lord Vane and she can go out looking for chicks. That’s a ménage à trios anyone would want to be a part of. Though we did find out she was a slave girl who has dreams of the future that include Garret so I’m going to put money down that this isn’t a disposable NPC that we’ll never see again.
That’s actually a big problem with this current part of the campaign. We’re in the future and I fucking know that something we do here is supposed to have a monumental outcome in the future. Like if we give the artifacts to Galendread then it will turn out he creates the Infernal Plains and a legendary destroyer of our time, or that Alice is truthfully the Witch Queen at an early age. I’m fucking calling this now so that I can ram my head through the wall later that we didn’t kill both of these assholes when we got the chance. This is when I wish I could play Leo Castillo again because that fucker would have had Alice against the wall with a rapier against her neck. And he wouldn’t need a reason for it either. He was kind of a douche like that.
After spending the night (except Garret and Lilea who missed their required six hours of sleep) we were freshened up and ready to kick demon ass. We entered the vault, and thus began a very lengthy encounter. I could talk about it in depth, but honestly I can’t recall a single moment of real comedy or interest to be had. This was just a really long encounter that took up the majority of the session. It was fun, but I still dread the moment combat starts because it essentially drops the game to a standstill. Seven players are just too much, and we didn’t have Joe to add to that already drawn out initiative order. It’s a shame because I used to really enjoy 4E combat, but sadly the additional players make it a time-consuming annoyance rather than a climactic battle.
The night ended with us killing the last of the demons we found inside of the vault only to have an archfiend rise up out of a summoning circle. So our next session will begin with a big solo encounter, though it won’t be next week--too many people will be absent so we won’t be able to play. The weekend after is my birthday, but unless something big comes up I’ll be good to play. Of course the night before will be the Spike VGAs, so I might have entered into a drunken stupor so I could forget. It’s entirely possible.
So what did you guys think about this session? Any theories for how we will inevitably cause our own fucked up future? Am I right to place absolutely no trust in Amen-dread? Is Juliet a lesbian? How often can Garret have his crazy visions before the party just says “fuck it” and ignore him? More importantly, how do you guys feel about the length of combat? It’s entirely possible I’m just cynically negative regarding the group’s size but I did notice a lot of comments in the chat with people being surprised we were still in battle. You know I would like to try an RPG sometime that doesn’t place as large of a focus on combat as 4E does, but maybe return to a more simple type of battle system like 3.5. I miss the simplicity in being a scout who runs around flinging arrows into people. I killed a cloud once with an arrow. Maybe I’ll tell you guys about it sometime…
Until next time, Namaste.
So this was our first session using MapTools as opposed to OpenRPG for the main reason that MapTools can do a lot more than OpenRPG. Its white board is a lot more flexible, it allows you to place tokens on a creature, and it is insanely difficult to log into for some people. We spent a better portion of the night trying to get Liz and Nik into the game and I mention this because this will be a rather short recap--mostly because of the aforementioned connecting difficulty, but also because combat still moves like a gimped hippo walking through molasses in a blindfold. It is good for multitasking though. I did get some more gametime in Rune Factory 3 while I waited, and I did catch a few scenes in Boardwalk Empire. Now that’s a damn good show right there.
Alright, so last time we played we had just been transported to some other time/place and fought off a group of aberrant monsters. Left with nowhere else to go but up we climbed the nearest staircase and came across a beautiful woman playing the flute. She greeted us and told us that the tower’s master was expecting us, and apparently we were all smitten with her beauty. Juliet apparently tapped into that latent lesbianism that I didn’t know about, but hey I’ve yet to complain about lesbians before. Oh wait, Jimmy’s shitty lesbian wife subplot in Boardwalk Empire. Scratch that.
So it turns out the master of this tower is indeed Galendread, but Galendread is off slaying the Dragonborn Empire. Skipping the history lesson, this was pretty clear indication that we had traveled back in time and that was bad news. I hate time travel; brings up too many questions. Are we changing the future, or is this already decided? LOST worked with the latter, so if that’s the case Juliet just needs to fall down an enormous well and pound a nuclear device with a rock until everything resets. Then she can get coffee with Viktor and remember. Sorry, LOST fanboy-ism took over for a bit.
Back on track we met the current master of this tower, Amen-dread, Galendread’s apprentice. He was expecting us and was quite willing to hand over the Well of Souls assuming we could kill the demon that inhabited the vault where the Well was kept. There was a catch though… you know beyond the demon killing one. Amen-dread has no qualms about parting with this arcane army slayer on the condition that he could access everything else that is inside the chamber. Surprisingly I was suspicious of this, and I kick myself for not being more inquisitive, but it’s too late to do anything now.
Oh, and I want to address something. When we first met Amen-dread I asked him what was up with the chessboard. He said it and the other obstacles were tests designed to allow only skilled, swift, and smart adventurers through, etc. I asked again what the purpose of the chessboard was and was promptly met with “isn’t that what I just fucking told you?” I already gathered that the monsters and traps we faced were tests. I don’t think wizards sit around all day waiting for opportunities to build elaborate contraptions just because they have free time and never heard of Minecraft. I wanted to know why there was an obstacle that specifically required us to peacefully negotiate with an opposing force. It was very different from our normal encounters and I wondered if there was a reason behind it. Sorry, but I just wanted to clear the air.
Okay, so to sum up the next few hours of gameplay thusly: Lilea wants Garret to kill Amen-dread because he’s made pacts with a devil, Garret had another spooky evil vision when he looked at Alice (the flutist), Lilea found a bunch of rituals that are somewhat useful, and Juliet apparently once again tapped into her latent lesbianism when she had a late night talk with Alice. Truthfully my intention was to find out more about Alice, but looking back it did seem like Juliet was hitting on her. Maybe that’ll be her new character trait. Lord Vane and she can go out looking for chicks. That’s a ménage à trios anyone would want to be a part of. Though we did find out she was a slave girl who has dreams of the future that include Garret so I’m going to put money down that this isn’t a disposable NPC that we’ll never see again.
That’s actually a big problem with this current part of the campaign. We’re in the future and I fucking know that something we do here is supposed to have a monumental outcome in the future. Like if we give the artifacts to Galendread then it will turn out he creates the Infernal Plains and a legendary destroyer of our time, or that Alice is truthfully the Witch Queen at an early age. I’m fucking calling this now so that I can ram my head through the wall later that we didn’t kill both of these assholes when we got the chance. This is when I wish I could play Leo Castillo again because that fucker would have had Alice against the wall with a rapier against her neck. And he wouldn’t need a reason for it either. He was kind of a douche like that.
After spending the night (except Garret and Lilea who missed their required six hours of sleep) we were freshened up and ready to kick demon ass. We entered the vault, and thus began a very lengthy encounter. I could talk about it in depth, but honestly I can’t recall a single moment of real comedy or interest to be had. This was just a really long encounter that took up the majority of the session. It was fun, but I still dread the moment combat starts because it essentially drops the game to a standstill. Seven players are just too much, and we didn’t have Joe to add to that already drawn out initiative order. It’s a shame because I used to really enjoy 4E combat, but sadly the additional players make it a time-consuming annoyance rather than a climactic battle.
The night ended with us killing the last of the demons we found inside of the vault only to have an archfiend rise up out of a summoning circle. So our next session will begin with a big solo encounter, though it won’t be next week--too many people will be absent so we won’t be able to play. The weekend after is my birthday, but unless something big comes up I’ll be good to play. Of course the night before will be the Spike VGAs, so I might have entered into a drunken stupor so I could forget. It’s entirely possible.
So what did you guys think about this session? Any theories for how we will inevitably cause our own fucked up future? Am I right to place absolutely no trust in Amen-dread? Is Juliet a lesbian? How often can Garret have his crazy visions before the party just says “fuck it” and ignore him? More importantly, how do you guys feel about the length of combat? It’s entirely possible I’m just cynically negative regarding the group’s size but I did notice a lot of comments in the chat with people being surprised we were still in battle. You know I would like to try an RPG sometime that doesn’t place as large of a focus on combat as 4E does, but maybe return to a more simple type of battle system like 3.5. I miss the simplicity in being a scout who runs around flinging arrows into people. I killed a cloud once with an arrow. Maybe I’ll tell you guys about it sometime…
Until next time, Namaste.
Monday, November 22, 2010
My Birthday or Why I Do Not Want Gifts
Hey everyone, guess what happens on December 12th?! Well I’ll probably be recovering from a night staying up watching the Spike TV VGAs and praying to god that the Giants crush the Vikings, but that’s not my point. My point is that it’ll be my birthday! Yay! Jubilation! Other excitement! Yep, I’ll be turning 22 and I’m not sure exactly what my game plan for that day will be. Maybe I’ll head out with friends and get drunk, or maybe I’ll spend it with the family and get drunk. Or I could stay home and play D&D with the fellas… and get drunk. Point is I’ll be getting wasted.
Actually that’s not the point of this post at all, though it did make me thirsty. No rather the point of this post is to address what fans can do for this oh-so-special-but-not really day. I haven’t really advertised it, but I imagine someone will ask if I have an Amazon wishlist or something. I actually do have one, but I just use it to keep track of the DS games I plan to review in the future, so it’s really just a shopping list for me. I’m not providing a link to it because the truth is: I don’t want people to buy me things.
I’m sorry, but I’m just not comfortable taking donations or gifts. Several people have given me free stuff or gifted me games on Steam, but the problem is that I always feel awkward in those situations because I can’t do anything to pay those people back. I really appreciate the generosity of these fans, but I would much rather these fans save their money. There’s tons of much better ways fans could spend their money than to buy me things.
- Donate your money to AngryJoeShow as I know every dollar he receives goes to improving his show.
- Save your money for the next TGWTG Charity Donation Drive. There’s one coming up, and this way you can give money to a good cause, and get something back in return.
- Keep it for yourself. Hey, if you have extra money, save it. It’s never a bad idea to have extra money in the bank. Fuck, start a savings account. Lord knows I should.
I’m not trying to come off like an ungrateful jerk. Anyone who wishes to donate me something are extremely generous and I thank you for your very kind intentions, but I just don’t feel comfortable taking money from fans unless I can give you guys something back in return.
I’m really a fan of simpler things. Look up to my birthday plans above and you’ll see they’re all about going out and just hanging out with friends or family. I’m not expecting gifts on my birthday, but if you still want to do something let me give you some suggestions. Send me a happy birthday message on Twitter. Watch one of my old stand up videos or the Dragonball: Evolution review. Read an article I wrote on Blistered Thumbs. Draw some fanart or make a TVTropes page for me. Leave a comment on a video or article I wrote because those mean so much more to me than any gift could. If you guys want to do something nice for me, I thank you, but please don’t open up your wallet to do it.
Monday, November 8, 2010
D&D Log: Session 15
Holy crap, a D&D recap?! Yep, after a month of no gaming, the Dethklok D&D group got back together to derp up another session with new player, Linkara! As a note, Angry Joe wasn’t able to make it this week as he’s hard at work on the recently launched BlisteredThumbs.net, which, if you haven’t heard, I’m going to be working on as Lead DS Editor. Now that’s awesome. Okay, with obligatory plugs out of the way (http://neuroticfanboy.deviantart.com/ is taking commissions!) and now shameless plugs out of the way, it’s time to get to the recap.
Starting from where we left off, we had just finished killing the dimensional spiders and were ready to further investigate this tower when a Paladin approached us from behind offering assistance. This new character is Bayben, a Human Paladin of Bahamut sent from the church in Sarmanath to assist us as they feel well… we suck too much. Actually I’m a little offended by that. Fuck you Sarmanath. We saved you from the corporal form of a goddess, rescued a magical cursed tome from a demi-goddess, and managed to infiltrate a kingdom that saw us as kingslayers, defeat the elite guards within said kingdom, and saved the king. I think at this point we’ve proven we’re capable of doing the impossible. But sure, send us help because you think we suck. Fuck Sarmanath.
Okay, sort of went on a tangent there, but it did ruffle my feathers so to speak. Getting back to the point, with Bayben joining our party we decided to investigate further in the cavern until we came upon a room full of strange statues and a single coffin. For a reason I’m having trouble remembering, we sent the big heavily armored loud Paladin to investigate the room to find that the statues didn’t immediately spring to life and try to kill us. No, that happened later. It’s come to a point where I seriously want to destroy every statue I come across. I mean really, I couldn’t give two shits about culture if there’s about a 90% chance that any statue we find is going to suddenly become animate and try to skewer us. Seriously, I might purchase a sledgehammer just so I can take it to every statue I find and batter it into pieces. I don’t care whose fucking throne room we’re in.
It should go without saying that we had to investigate the coffin, and the moment we did the lid flew off and a vile demon popped out and attacked Bayben. Now was Bayben’s time to impress. He introduced himself as an enigma; a man whose legends cast fear into the hearts who know of his deeds. Was he a hero? Was he a villain? All we knew was that wherever he went death seemed to follow. What would happen when Bayben the Butcher swung his bloodstained axe?! He botched and split his pants. No, seriously. He botched, and the botched roll said that he damages a piece of clothing. What an awkward roll. I think we said he tore his cloak, but it’s so much funnier to imagine this big armored hulk of a Paladin trying to swing his weapon and instead ripping his pants. Sorry Linkara, but that will forever be Bayben’s legacy to me. Welcome to D&D.
If it weren’t obvious, the statues in the room began coming to life and attacking us, and truth be told we started getting absolutely hammered by these monsters. Well, I say we but I mean them. I sat back safely in the hallway tossing thunder bolts and stuff. We figured out the trick to the statues was that until a spirit possessed them they were harmless and easily destroyed, so we had to destroy the empty statues before the evil spirits could possess them, and once that was done we could take out the head demon. He went down, put a curse on both our houses, blah blah blah. Actually I think he was glad we killed him. Probably some adventurer who wondered down here and found himself driven mad. Sounds reasonable considering what we face later on, but I’ll get to that.
With the battle over it was time to collect “teh lootz”, and inside the coffin was some money and trinkets. Most curious of the trinkets was a small silver object that looked like a crescent moon sitting on a stick, or as all of us anime nerds immediately identified it: “that moon wand from Sailor Moon”. It did bear an eerie resemblance to it, and because of it I immediately demand fan art of our characters as Sailor Scouts. Make it happen internet. Make it happen. Oh right, the point! I was getting to that. So the trinket appeared to be part of a puzzle concerning the next door where we ran into a stone door with a small recess in it. It appeared the piece could fit inside of it but only in one of the four corners. We choose top right and the door opened for us, though I wonder what would have happened had we picked another corner. A trap? A different room? It’s that lingering question that keeps me up at night. That and the BBQ chicken bacon pizza I ate last night. It gives me gas.
The next room had five cubicles in it with human shaped imprints on the wall. I immediately feared our next adventure would be removing staples out of things that were originally stapled for 7.5 hours, but instead five of us pressed against the imprints and were transported to a chessboard without the pieces. The only other thing on the board beyond us was a king that stood directly across from us with his hand outstretched blocking the entrance. With a few trial and error tests we figured out that we were pieces on a chess board and we had to remove like our respective pieces. We traveled the board and then came face to face with the statue of the king. The king was decorated with a crown and a magnificent sword, and we kind of figured taking the crown or sword would be a bad move. At first I thought his outstretched hand was asking for something, like a toll, but it wasn’t. Instead I offered my hand, he shook it, and our party was allowed to pass. Wow, that one statue may have put my statue prejudice into question. I only realize now what a statue-ist I’ve been. Not all statues are evil assholes that come to life and kill you. I think I may need some time to dwell on my inner hatred of statues and learn to accept them in our world.
So we moved along after Darstine decided to be a dick to the one statue in this world who doesn’t try to kill us by stealing the dude’s crown. What a bitch. The next room was a featureless room with blank walls and floors that had eight chairs lining the floor. We sat down in the chairs and suddenly the room starting spinning and we could all feel ourselves undergoing strange pressure. When it ended we found ourselves back in the room, but a large hole had appeared in the ceiling. We exited the hole only to find ourselves in the same ruined castle we were investigating, only it wasn’t so ruined. It appeared we had gone back in time to before the climactic battle between the Tieflings and demons destroyed this area of the world. Or worse, we went back in time to when that happened. That’d be sucky.
Still we did run into a series of monsters that were quite strange. They were fiendish monsters, abhorrent I believe, that fed off of the madness of humans. Plus they had rape tentacles, yet Juliet actually managed to avoid being Rule 34’d in combat. Barely too actually. It would have hit my garbage Reflex if it weren’t for Pidgeotto’s Super Awesome Amazing Encounter Buff. I love that bird. We killed the creatures, collected our XP, and the game ended there to hopefully continue next week. As far as things happening, there wasn’t a lot. This is essentially a dungeon crawl, but I’ve yet to ever do a real dungeon crawl, so I’m excited. I like the puzzles and thrilling battles. Also, the traps confuse Jason. After a wall closed behind him he tried to walk through the wall, then later tried to walk up the walls. It didn’t work. Combat is still a killer. I actually found time to play two or three songs in Rock Band 3 while I waited for my turn to come up. It helps me get more game time in for my reviews on Blistered Thumbs, but still I’m not thrilled with how long combat will take. I’m actually a bit concerned that when Joe returns to the game we’ll have three defenders running around marking and that combat will become needlessly tedious, but all we can really do now is sit back and wait for it to happen.
So that was our adventure for the week. Sorry it’s been a while, but with Spoony’s recent health problems he hasn’t been able to play, and we have to understand that. I’m hesitant on saying we’ll play next week. We should, but it’s always possible something could come up. Regardless I am glad that people really enjoy our sessions. Of course all of really come to see our ass backwards attempts to save the world and to laugh at our misfortune, but I like to pretend that you enjoy our rich characterization and interesting dynamics. HA! As if we have those…
Until next time, Namaste!
Starting from where we left off, we had just finished killing the dimensional spiders and were ready to further investigate this tower when a Paladin approached us from behind offering assistance. This new character is Bayben, a Human Paladin of Bahamut sent from the church in Sarmanath to assist us as they feel well… we suck too much. Actually I’m a little offended by that. Fuck you Sarmanath. We saved you from the corporal form of a goddess, rescued a magical cursed tome from a demi-goddess, and managed to infiltrate a kingdom that saw us as kingslayers, defeat the elite guards within said kingdom, and saved the king. I think at this point we’ve proven we’re capable of doing the impossible. But sure, send us help because you think we suck. Fuck Sarmanath.
Okay, sort of went on a tangent there, but it did ruffle my feathers so to speak. Getting back to the point, with Bayben joining our party we decided to investigate further in the cavern until we came upon a room full of strange statues and a single coffin. For a reason I’m having trouble remembering, we sent the big heavily armored loud Paladin to investigate the room to find that the statues didn’t immediately spring to life and try to kill us. No, that happened later. It’s come to a point where I seriously want to destroy every statue I come across. I mean really, I couldn’t give two shits about culture if there’s about a 90% chance that any statue we find is going to suddenly become animate and try to skewer us. Seriously, I might purchase a sledgehammer just so I can take it to every statue I find and batter it into pieces. I don’t care whose fucking throne room we’re in.
It should go without saying that we had to investigate the coffin, and the moment we did the lid flew off and a vile demon popped out and attacked Bayben. Now was Bayben’s time to impress. He introduced himself as an enigma; a man whose legends cast fear into the hearts who know of his deeds. Was he a hero? Was he a villain? All we knew was that wherever he went death seemed to follow. What would happen when Bayben the Butcher swung his bloodstained axe?! He botched and split his pants. No, seriously. He botched, and the botched roll said that he damages a piece of clothing. What an awkward roll. I think we said he tore his cloak, but it’s so much funnier to imagine this big armored hulk of a Paladin trying to swing his weapon and instead ripping his pants. Sorry Linkara, but that will forever be Bayben’s legacy to me. Welcome to D&D.
If it weren’t obvious, the statues in the room began coming to life and attacking us, and truth be told we started getting absolutely hammered by these monsters. Well, I say we but I mean them. I sat back safely in the hallway tossing thunder bolts and stuff. We figured out the trick to the statues was that until a spirit possessed them they were harmless and easily destroyed, so we had to destroy the empty statues before the evil spirits could possess them, and once that was done we could take out the head demon. He went down, put a curse on both our houses, blah blah blah. Actually I think he was glad we killed him. Probably some adventurer who wondered down here and found himself driven mad. Sounds reasonable considering what we face later on, but I’ll get to that.
With the battle over it was time to collect “teh lootz”, and inside the coffin was some money and trinkets. Most curious of the trinkets was a small silver object that looked like a crescent moon sitting on a stick, or as all of us anime nerds immediately identified it: “that moon wand from Sailor Moon”. It did bear an eerie resemblance to it, and because of it I immediately demand fan art of our characters as Sailor Scouts. Make it happen internet. Make it happen. Oh right, the point! I was getting to that. So the trinket appeared to be part of a puzzle concerning the next door where we ran into a stone door with a small recess in it. It appeared the piece could fit inside of it but only in one of the four corners. We choose top right and the door opened for us, though I wonder what would have happened had we picked another corner. A trap? A different room? It’s that lingering question that keeps me up at night. That and the BBQ chicken bacon pizza I ate last night. It gives me gas.
The next room had five cubicles in it with human shaped imprints on the wall. I immediately feared our next adventure would be removing staples out of things that were originally stapled for 7.5 hours, but instead five of us pressed against the imprints and were transported to a chessboard without the pieces. The only other thing on the board beyond us was a king that stood directly across from us with his hand outstretched blocking the entrance. With a few trial and error tests we figured out that we were pieces on a chess board and we had to remove like our respective pieces. We traveled the board and then came face to face with the statue of the king. The king was decorated with a crown and a magnificent sword, and we kind of figured taking the crown or sword would be a bad move. At first I thought his outstretched hand was asking for something, like a toll, but it wasn’t. Instead I offered my hand, he shook it, and our party was allowed to pass. Wow, that one statue may have put my statue prejudice into question. I only realize now what a statue-ist I’ve been. Not all statues are evil assholes that come to life and kill you. I think I may need some time to dwell on my inner hatred of statues and learn to accept them in our world.
So we moved along after Darstine decided to be a dick to the one statue in this world who doesn’t try to kill us by stealing the dude’s crown. What a bitch. The next room was a featureless room with blank walls and floors that had eight chairs lining the floor. We sat down in the chairs and suddenly the room starting spinning and we could all feel ourselves undergoing strange pressure. When it ended we found ourselves back in the room, but a large hole had appeared in the ceiling. We exited the hole only to find ourselves in the same ruined castle we were investigating, only it wasn’t so ruined. It appeared we had gone back in time to before the climactic battle between the Tieflings and demons destroyed this area of the world. Or worse, we went back in time to when that happened. That’d be sucky.
Still we did run into a series of monsters that were quite strange. They were fiendish monsters, abhorrent I believe, that fed off of the madness of humans. Plus they had rape tentacles, yet Juliet actually managed to avoid being Rule 34’d in combat. Barely too actually. It would have hit my garbage Reflex if it weren’t for Pidgeotto’s Super Awesome Amazing Encounter Buff. I love that bird. We killed the creatures, collected our XP, and the game ended there to hopefully continue next week. As far as things happening, there wasn’t a lot. This is essentially a dungeon crawl, but I’ve yet to ever do a real dungeon crawl, so I’m excited. I like the puzzles and thrilling battles. Also, the traps confuse Jason. After a wall closed behind him he tried to walk through the wall, then later tried to walk up the walls. It didn’t work. Combat is still a killer. I actually found time to play two or three songs in Rock Band 3 while I waited for my turn to come up. It helps me get more game time in for my reviews on Blistered Thumbs, but still I’m not thrilled with how long combat will take. I’m actually a bit concerned that when Joe returns to the game we’ll have three defenders running around marking and that combat will become needlessly tedious, but all we can really do now is sit back and wait for it to happen.
So that was our adventure for the week. Sorry it’s been a while, but with Spoony’s recent health problems he hasn’t been able to play, and we have to understand that. I’m hesitant on saying we’ll play next week. We should, but it’s always possible something could come up. Regardless I am glad that people really enjoy our sessions. Of course all of really come to see our ass backwards attempts to save the world and to laugh at our misfortune, but I like to pretend that you enjoy our rich characterization and interesting dynamics. HA! As if we have those…
Until next time, Namaste!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
