D&D Log: Session 14

Like a bolt from the blue, it’s the D&D recap! Sorry, that was an obscure The World Ends with You reference. Great game by the way.

So if we pick ourselves up from last week we’re back at the charred remains of the farmstead where the few surviving family members were. As Juliet and Viktor started preparing graves for the fallen, Garrett started to go through crazy mental flashes (*sigh* again) seeing an enormous army to the north I believe. Before passing out he went all Super Satan and warned us that “she built them for war” and that “she’s coming” or something to that effect. Everyone freaked out and wanted to leave, but Juliet was adamant about burying the bodies. Now I should mention I had reasons for doing this both in and out of character. In character this incident affected Juliet quite personally, and I’ll be mentioning it in character when the time is right. Out of character I remembered Spoony saying that the army was passed a major road, and I figured that road would be at least a day’s travel away. Well uh… der I was wrong out of character as our party went to sleep and before we could finish our last shift we found ourselves surrounded by elves. I think they outnumbered us by three or four, and I thank God Joe wasn’t here yet because I can guarantee Lord Vane II wouldn’t have surrendered like the rest of us did. So not long after starting the session our group was captured. Fantastic.

All of us were tied up and stripped of our weapons and armor, and the spell casters were gagged. Considering this is the second time we’ve been captured like this, I think in the case of Juliet, Viktor, and Garret this could be a running… gag. See, get it? I can make bad puns too. But seriously, we were ushered into a camp where more elves and machines started to pile in until almost 3,000 units were in the camp. As they began to loot our stuff they found the Word of Morgana, and predictably Darstine began to howl like she’d just been stabbed in the heart with a burning hot pike. Hmmm, that was too graphic. Alright she screamed like someone told her they were going to force her to watch Ultraviolet. Oh man, that actually seems worse. Well this prompted the lead elf to question the book, and we noticed then that the head elf was Tamier, Lord Esgalion’s squire. He held ill will towards Viktor. Surprisingly little towards Juliet who carried around his lord’s head for about half a month. Dodged a bullet there I guess.

We learned the army was an advance wave that was on route to Sarmanath, but they were quite eager to send us back to suffer the Witch Queen’s wrath. Garret managed to convince Tamier to let us get the Well of Souls however or else Tamier would never have the book, and as such we remained prisoners of the elves for the night. Thank God word doesn’t travel fast about Grae inciting racial riots against the elves or Juliet carrying around lobbed off parts of elven lords. Truth be told for being prisoners things weren’t too bad. It mostly just amounted to spending an evening bound and gagged, and for Juliet that’s nothing new. Hey~Oh!

We woke up, they cut our bonds, and gave us our equipment back—except Lilea who was kept as a hostage. Spoony said in any other situation Juliet would have been the hostage, but fuck that, Juliet ain’t no damsel in distress (well, I guess excluding the two times she’s been taken prisoner, but let’s ignore those). Had he done it you’d have seen Juliet throw down! I’d have gone all bear form and started fighting like they did in the 1920’s. You know, like how the Notre Dame Fighting Irish fights? I’d have gotten myself a novelty oversize cigar and started calling people palooka, and then Captain Bearbossa my awesome bear companion (who totally exists!) would have shown up and we’d have gotten into a rumble, a tussle, a scrap, a box social even! Yeah, who’s the damsel now? Tamier knows he was scared. Punk.

Anyway, we were led due west to the Fiery Plains, though the journey proved difficult for the iron constructs in the army. They continued to get stuck in the crumbling landscape, and many were left behind. The longer we traveled the more casualties the army suffered, so uh… go nature? Before long even Lilea was freed and re-equipped as Tamier, I assume, wanted to give us every advantage. Tamier is kind of stupid though because now he doesn’t have anything to use against us. Oh wait, he still has an army. Crap.

Well we entered the Aberhold Keep which is rumored to be where Galendread’s tower was and thus where we can find the Well of Souls. The castle, predictably, was mostly destroyed but with large stacks of rubble placed curiously around the courtyard. The ground itself was unstable, and the heat was so intense that we’d be asked to make Endurance checks every few hours. So our plan is to be in and out, right? Nah, I think we’re trying to explore the entire castle to give us time to escape. I’ve got a few ideas myself, though truth be told I kinda want to talk to Tamier again. The guy said some things I’m interested in learning more about. S’well, we shall see what happens there. Our adventure ended after an encounter. We came upon a set of steel door beneath one of the corner towers of the castle. We opened the door only to find a room of cobwebs and a creepy laugh not unlike a child. At this point I was booking it towards the exit…

BUT WAIT! Grae is here to save us as he’s already got his bedroll cocked and ready to hurl it into the chamber. It succeeded and the room was lit ablaze, and we promptly shut the doors so we could let our good friend Mr. Fire sort things out. Done and done. Oh wait, they could teleport. That’s right. Yeah, so these fuckers teleport out of the room and then actually proceed to teleport us back into the room, well at least Grae. Poor Grae got manhandled by those creepy mantis things. The rest of us squashed some bugs, and the session ended after Lord Vane killed the last mantis and then my Storm Spike made the bug explode afterwards. I was easy to please by the end of the night.

This was a rollercoaster of a session. Looking by the end when we were slaying bugs and throw burning sleeping bags you’d almost forget that like two days earlier we all spent the night tied half naked to wooden poles. Good times, good times. We’re to play again next week, so stayed tuned for the continuing adventures (and inevitably dehydration of) “TEH GREATEST PARTY EVAR!!!” That’s our name now.

Until next time, Namaste!