Well hello there everybody! I hope you all had a fantastic Mother’s Day and spent this cherished holiday celebrating the matrons who made our lives possible. I spent mine swearing at Noob Saibot for being a cheap teleporting whore and crying, so it was a good weekend all around due in no small part to a great D&D session on Saturday. As a quick head’s up Nik was not able to make the session due to prior commitments (I think he was at a gay bar), so we were without our silky haired lead man for the session. No worries though because it’s not like we got our asses handed to us by trees or anything, right?
Picking up from the end of the last session we (Caitlin, Denora, and Jonn) decided to leave the tower standing so as not to piss of the guys holding our friends captive—though it wasn’t an easy choice. Our only attempt at vengeance was slicing up the power box in the basement that enabled the teleportation device on the tower’s ground floor. We truly are the vandals of this world! With our juvenile shenanigans behind us we rode off to Colingrove to give Duke Ned the news. We arrived to see the city nearly deserted with a report left behind that the city’s forces (including Duke Ned himself) marched towards Wyrmwick to help repel a Demon Baron attack from the South Tower—the tower we had just recently destroyed.
We sailed south only to find Wyrmwick fine and Duke Ned drinking himself silly in the bar. Apparently a runner came to Colingrove baring a message with Wyrmwick’s seal that asked for assistance, but after speaking to Kahn Musarog we learned no such message was sent and instead it seemed some shorter man with long red hair and a facial scar was responsible for sending the message. We gave our message to both Duke Ned and Musarog who took it in stride mostly because we explained our position, and following that Duke Ned left for Colingrove. We took it upon ourselves to investigate this mysterious red-headed runner while we waited for the High Cleric of Tiamat to give us a new assignment, but before we set off Caitlin gave Jonn the remaining vials of the ritual liquid used to make her the first born. She wanted him to have it as insurance should something happen to her.
After that we traveled around to Sharan’s Pass, fucked with a bartender, tried to be totally sneaky, and eventually headed back towards Colingrove to find this red-headed runner. We learned there that the runner headed to the east, and without a moments delay we marched on the North Tower only to find our runner standing outside the tower doors as if he was waiting. Caitlin snuck up behind him and placed him in a hold so we could integrate him, but (twist!) it turns out this red-headed runner was none other than Thorian Hawklight, douche extraordinaire! After some persuasion (see headbutts to the back of the head) we learned he was waiting for a report from the High Cleric of Tiamat, and conveniently so were we. However we were privy to the little detail of the broken teleporter, so we decided to play engineer and go fix it.
Back over to Dhother and Grieg it seemed that this magical sun was taking its toll on poor Dhother. Grieg tended to the Invoker as best he could before searching for clues only to find a dark obsidian surface beneath the sand. As he continued to dig he found it eventually reached an edge, and after a good Perception roll Grieg woke up from the illusion to find that he and Dhother were actually on top of the Demon Baron’s Tower. Yipes.
Back with Thorian & Friends, we took our favorite recurring character into the basement of the tower and forced him to hook up the teleporter again. It electrocuted him which we found very funny. Caitlin asked Jonn and Denora to take Thorian to Colingrove so he could be arrested and then she would stay behind and wait for the High Cleric, but before that could happen the tower flashed with lightning and the cleric arrived. He demanded we release Hawklight, and against our will we did so, only for the Cleric to stab Hawklight in the heart for failing… which admittedly was pretty fucking hardcore. The Cleric then explained to us that we could have our friends back if we entered a portal with him.
Instead Caitlin proposed a counter offer. If the Cleric returned Dhother and Grieg to the party with all of their equipment and permitted everyone to return to Wyrmwick, then Caitlin would offer herself up as a prisoner. Caitlin urged her party members to trust her on this, and left her weapons with Jonn before joining the Cleric. In a flash Caitlin and the cleric disappeared and in their place was Dhother and Grieg, equipped and confused. Caitlin was stripped of her armor and equipment and placed in a dark cell inside of the Demon Baron’s Tower to await whatever foul cruelties the Demon Baron had planned for the first-born of Bahamut. Tell me that seeing this motherfucker coming towards you wouldn’t make you shit your pants with fear—if only Caitlin were wearing pants at the moment. However instead of using Caitlin like a toothpick like I assumed, the Demon Baron dropped to one knee and begged his cousin to help him.
He explained that he was an unwilling pawn in this army, and that he wanted Caitlin’s help. In return he would ensure that there was a mix-up during a prisoner transfer scheduled to occur in a few months (and before anyone suggests that’s a long time away remember that it takes weeks to get anywhere in this world). Caitlin (and myself) were obviously a bit weary of this revelation and didn’t make a commitment either way, though I intend to cut to the core of this situation next session. I just can’t trust him because I totally get a Gin/Rukia vibe from this situation where all the Demon Baron wants to do is give me hope of rescue only to cruelly snatch it away to let the despair really sink in. Call me crazy but I just don’t trust that the Demon Baron is on the up and up yet—I have too many questions.
Turning our attention back to the party, we join them as old friends reunite, though there is a somber feel about this knowing that Caitlin traded herself for them. It seemed this was a plan of Caitlin’s for awhile as she left a note behind for Dhother that basically explained that she didn’t want the party to worry about her. Instead she urged them to find the Goblin King’s orb to prevent further teleporting hijinks and to blow up any towers they find. They did just that, and the tower at Watchman’s North was utterly obliterated. With one more tower in ruins, our heroes ventured to Colingrove to resupply before heading off to the Boreal Maze.
Before leaving though they stopped by Bomar the Baker’s only to find a familiar face arguing with the beloved baker over his bizarre bazaar. It was none other than Dahl, the former-pirate turned poop shoveler… you know, the guy who lost his family. He told the party that he overheard their plight and that he was going to join them in their quest in order to pay back Caitlin for sparing his life and attempting to find his family. Can you guys say “Guest Party Member”?
Without wasting another moment the party ventured into the Boreal Maze and began navigating its twisted design. Each night the party would attempt to rest only to leave Dahl shitting his pants on the final shift muttering “I can hear the trees”. Just as our party was about to exit the maze we found ourselves under attack by Treants, and for those unaware what those are, think big fucking trees with a pissed off disposition.
These fucking trees nearly TPK’s us which I can only imagine would be the greatest downer ending to a campaign ever: “yeah, Caitlin you’re still prisoner of the Demon Baron, and the rest of the party was killed by fucking oak trees. GG.” Thankfully we did survive the encounter, but it was not a very glamorous victory—i.e. there were quite a few girlish screams going around. Let it be known that thus far in the campaign our biggest challenges have been a Death Knight, and fucking trees. Worst part is no one believed Dahl when he was crying about the trees until their 1d12+10 branches were lodged half way up our asses.
After that we managed to climb up to the top of the tower that made up the Goblin King’s prison with Denora pulling off some very special Daredevil-esque acrobatics to make it inside. Once we had broken in we descended the tower and ignored the jeers of the prisoners who clearly knew far too much about us which is, admittedly, something we should look into. We managed to traverse the dungeon just fine though and we battled the Goblin King is a climactic battle. Through good teamwork we dispatched the Goblin King without too much of a hassle, and were left to reap the spoils: his orb of anti-teleportation, and the necklace that prevented mutation.
We escaped the tower and called it a night following that encounter. We’re in a very unique position now as the party now has to figure out where the remaining towers are as we only knew of Watchman North & Watchman South. Until those towers are destroyed they can’t march on the Demon Baron, but it might take quite some time to accomplish this. On the flip side Caitlin is set to be moved to a new prison in a few months, so there’s a timetable going on right now that the party doesn’t even know about. So, what do you guys think? Do you trust the Demon Baron? Was Hawklight’s death satisfying? Will Dahl freak out even more when he learns that Dhother has an evil magic rosary following them? Could Bomar the Baker really be behind everything!?! Tune in next time to (maybe) find out!
Images credited to Sable, DarkVolt, DungeonsandFlagons, and Sighter.
Until next time, Namaste!