D&D Log: That One-Off Session

Alright, so this is normally the time of the week where we’d go over our wacky and epic D&D exploits, but this week Spoony didn’t have the time to get everything prepared for D&D, so we didn’t have our session. Instead, some of us tried another one off session with LordKaT DMing. Skith, Nik, and myself were the players respectively playing the characters of Brandis (Swordmage), Rodriguez (Bard), and Pace (Seeker). Normally I wouldn’t write up a recap for a one off session, but the end of our session needs to be remembered, so let’s get into it.

So our game started off simple enough; we’re adventurers hired to go take out some cultists. We’re to head to the west to a town called Oakmoore, and from there head east, and without another moment we were off. We traveled most of the day, and set up camp at night setting up a watch order. Brandis started off the night, and botched a Perception roll. We found ourselves surrounded, but unfortunately for the cultists Brandis is a decapitating maniac who beheaded I believe cut off about six heads during the night. We eliminated the assassin cultists, but we killed them rather quickly as their backup hadn’t even arrived on the scene before the last guy died. The backup fled immediately, but Pace led the charge after them. We spotted them rendezvousing with another group of cultists in the clearing, but we had the jump on them. Fwip Fwip Fwip. Five cultists down in the surprise round. I really love playing the Seeker. This battle went fine, and we came out smelling like roses. We picked up spoils and headed back to our camp to rest for the coming morning.

We woke up and it didn’t take long before we reached Oakmoore, and here LordKaT asked what we wanted to do. We went west. Look to the above paragraph and you’ll instantly realize we done fucked up. Skitch believed we were to go west, and thus we went west. We traveled west for a while when we encountered an elven woman who pointed a bow at us and warned us humans to leave. Alright, now here’s where I need to start defending myself. Pace is an elf, and because we traveled the wrong direction, I was initially under the impression most creatures would be hostile. However when we met this elvish woman, she had an arrow pointed at us, and demanded we humans leave. I was an elf, and I figured I could talk us out of this situation. I told her, and I quote (paraphrasing) “[easy there, Sister]”. SHE SHOT ME IN THE FACE! Seriously, I didn’t try my weapon, speak aggressively, or do anything beyond address her as a fellow elf, and the bitch shot me in the face! So we all got ready for battle.

Perhaps we should have left, or maybe talked to her, but the moment she fired on us at the start of dialogue, I didn’t feel like talking very much. At least not while she was armed, but I’ll get to that later. Anyway, we start fighting when three of her scouting friends came to help and we got in a battle that didn’t go in our favor like prior matches. We got clobbered, and yet we slowly tore them apart. In the end Brandis was knocked unconscious, but we managed to kill the scouts and leave the archer unconscious. Following that I tied her up, and because neither Pace or Rodriquez had the strength to drag Brandis, I gagged her as well so she wouldn’t wake up and start screaming for help. I wanted to interrogate her, and in my words Jack Baurer her. Also, after Pace tied her up, I punched her in the face. Not the most chivalrous action, but that chick shot me in the face! I demanded satisfaction! Basically I wanted to find out why we were being attacked, and if it had any relation to the cultists. After all the cultists could have had a deal with the elves for all my knowledge, but as we rested to let Brandis wake up, another elf arrived to relieve our prisoner of her duty. When Brandis woke up I handed him the archer who was still out, and pointed my arrow at our new foe. I warned him to drop his weapon. He didn’t.

Just like Lord Vane, I fucking attacked because no, I didn’t trust these guys. However I got the feeling we would be in for a dangerous battle if we waited, so after Pace hit him with Grappling Spirits which slows the target, I was left with another action. What did I do? I punched the elven archer again, and then fucking hoofed it. No lie, I sucker punched her, then booked it. Yeah, I’ll admit, that one punch was really douche, but I just really wanted to punch her again. It was for “funsies”, but I was still ticked. Anyway, I ran, and Brandis & Rodriguez followed. We arrived in town and learned that Oakmoore has a peace treaty with the elves, and we may have fucked that up. Oopsie. Following this we got into an argument over whose fault it was, and what an evil douchebag Pace was. Now I believe we’re all at fault for what happened. If either myself or Nik had paid more attention to directions, we might have avoided this mistake. If any of us had tried talking to the elves, we could have dissolved the situation. We didn’t, but I do take offense to Pace being the most evil asshole ever. Besides punching the archer the second time (the really funny time), Brandis and Rodriguez didn’t do anything I didn’t. They attacked the elves just as quickly as I did, and neither seemed opposed to leaving the archer alive and tying her up afterwards. We all wanted to know what was going on, it just happened that we kind fucked everything up by doing it. Jason wants us to continue this session again at some point, so perhaps this one shot won’t be a one shot after all. Who knows?

Basically this session will be remembered for how much of a clusterfuck it became at the end. We started off looking for cultists, and then we killed a few cultists, and then we wound up breaking a peace treaty between the humans and the elves and I punched a tied up woman twice in the face. But she was asking for it because SHE SHOT ME IN THE FACE!!!

For those curious about the Spoony D&D session, I’m not sure about this Sunday. At best we’ll be playing without Nikolas who will be on vacation, so I wouldn’t be surprised if the entire session isn’t canceled until he can return. Maybe not, but I will warn everyone not to get their hopes up. Also I plan to have a manga update on this site later this night in a different format than the last. Stay tuned!