Side Campaign Log: Session 3

Alright, time to return to the wacky adventures of Dubois the Blade, Abaddon thePaladin, and Erik the One Without a Title. After a week we return to our tunnel crawling adventures one member richer as right off the bat our group meets the wizard Racon played by everyone’s favorite Hebrew, JewWario! Yes, I am culturally insensitive. Anyway, JewWario is our Wizard, and with him in tow we set off into the tunnels to locate and murder just about everything we’ve seen. Actually I killed two puddles so I think we actually are killing everything we see. Anyway, our adventure this time was very simple. We explored tunnels, and fought zombies and skulls. And floating armor. And a maw. And a puddle. The holy light of Pelor came in handy in destroying these puddles that are restorative, and Racon’s magic helped destroyed tons of the zombie minions for us, so this came went rather smoothly. Not too much to talk about aside from Spoony becoming upset that chat members called bullshit on his character having empty burlap sacks and vials to store stuff. Throughout the night we heard quite a lot about Spoony’s sacks.

However we did have a small moment regarding our final encounter. After vanquishing a maw and navigating through a tunnel we found a room with four zombies and two dark skulls huddled around another pool of evil regeneration. Dubois, ever the smarmy bastard approached with his same cocky demeanor, but even as he uttered out another badass line Jason told us the skulls didn’t notice. So Dubois takes out his crossbow, and fires. Hit. Kills a zombie. No one notices. Racon is up. Fires a blast of fire that kills two zombies, but misses a Dark Skull. No one notices. Slowly we’re just trying to pick these guys off, and we do eliminate the zombies when finally we get the skulls attention, but little did we realize we actually had four Skulls on us. Luckily the skulls aren’t as bad as they could be. They would often blast people away with their roar, so we managed to get through them without too much trouble, but that changed when the regeneration pool managed to create an even nastier skull. This one had twice the attack, a few extra powers, higher AC, and a pretty strong Daily. Now I must let people know that at the start of the Encounter I activated my Daily Utility Bless Weapon. Until the end of the encounter I gained a +1 bonus to attack. I also do 1d6 extra damage per hit. I also score a critical hit on a roll from 18 – 20 with any Radiant attack, and my Virtuous Strike now creates 3 vulnerability to Radiant with a hit. So to note, I have a +9 to attack naturally with my longsword. With Blessed Weapon I have a +10. If I hit I do 1d8+4 + 1d6 damage, and if I roll and 18, 19, or 20 I automatically do 18 damage. If I hit, by Divine Challenge will now threaten the enemy with 10 Radiant Damage, and on my next turn if I hit with Virtuous Strike I would do 1d8+7 + 1d6. At will, consistently. + 10 to attack. That was a good +3 higher than everyone else in the party.

I fucking missed everything. God, the rolls were not with me in that fight, and in about five rounds of fighting this thing (who continued to mock Pelor in front of me), I couldn’t hit for dick. Even when I charged into a flank so I had a +14 to attack, I STILL MISSED!!! The worst part is that after all this damage the best I had taken I couldn’t lay what I knew was going to be the killing blow. Racon with his +4 to attack would nail against Reflex, but I just could not hurt this fucker, but I knew I would eventually do it. Next turn he was going to be mine. I’d strike at him and sunder his skull in half and then use him as a mug—oh wait no Spoony walked by and fucking killed it. Excuse me, BUT WE WERE FIGHTING LIKE MEN!!! AND I HAD A +10 TO ATTACK! I know Joe’s pain completely. All I wanted was to dig my glowing sword right into this monster’s temple, but no, some wimpy assassin who still smells a little dead has to come over and steal my epic man kill! Seriously, the monster was targeting me (as he had to thanks to Divine Challenger), so this guy was lashing out at me, blasting me with his strongest moves, and literally tossing me around in the cave, but I would stand against him and continue to engage. Meanwhile he’d laugh at the weakness of Pelor and how I was pathetic, so this was personal. The light of Pelor would be driven into his face and he would burn beneath its light—NO FUCKING ASSASSIN WALKS OVER AND FARTS ON IT TO STEAL MY KILL!!! I WAS +10 TO ATTACK!!!

… Seriously, my rolls were utter garbage. A +14 to attack, and I roll a 2? Fuck me.

We ended the campaign after that, and if seems like we didn’t do a lot just know I’m abridging much of the adventure. Most of it was combat. We found a few key details regarding the plot including that it seems the City Watch knows a lot more about these tunnels then we let on. In fact, from what we gathered, the Watch should know the entire layout, so once again Mahoney is a douche. I’m just waiting for us to find out that Brother Walken is behind all of the monster attacks. Wait for it.